I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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