id be glad to
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
