I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
