can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
