My brain says no but my pants say off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize