awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
