1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
