Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
