I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
