you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you never un-have a 4some
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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