apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
