I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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