i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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