Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
