Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
