Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
