My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
