It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
