I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
