even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
