I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
