Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
