I wanna bring you to show and tell
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
