Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
