We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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