Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There r osticjed everywhere
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
