You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
