I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
