I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
