I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
