Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
