i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
