I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hippo gnu deer
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
