The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
