No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
