i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Houston, we have a blender
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
