Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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