and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
