We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize