you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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