u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
