We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
