I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
