That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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