You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just pee around me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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