u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize