I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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