I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
