I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
