Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
