it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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