my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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