How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
