Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
