i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
