There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
