if i can run in heels then i can drive
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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