ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize