your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
