I just pynch a tree in the face
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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