when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
