yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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