Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
