he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
