Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
