whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
