I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
