Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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