You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
