and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
