At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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