Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
