is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
