I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
