well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
